he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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