she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
