dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
