I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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