Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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