Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize