I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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