look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
