i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
