if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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