Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
