i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
