The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You don't make any sense
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