Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
