I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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