She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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