he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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