Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
