you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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