My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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