You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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