It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize