Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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