I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
