I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
