im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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