I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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