So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.