i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.