you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
