i permit you to call me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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