First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...