So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with