Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.