Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?