Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
