Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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