I just pynch a tree in the face
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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