Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
