dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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