my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just gargled with NyQuil
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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