I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
