I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i will never coherently bang her
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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