My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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