it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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