Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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