Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
