Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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