i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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