I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
