My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
