So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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