Texts From Last Night

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  (806): View more from Texas

  Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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  (806): Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day. http://tfl.nu/6xwz
  Replies (6) Good night (2574) Bad night (656)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.

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  (720): the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom. http://tfl.nu/h1iv
  Replies (13) Good night (911) Bad night (3376)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.

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  (219): community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal. http://tfl.nu/j3ch
  Replies (14) Good night (3173) Bad night (791)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.

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  (901): can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you. http://tfl.nu/uemu
  Replies (10) Good night (3229) Bad night (801)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  clearly you have your priorities straight

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  (612): just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON (651): clearly you have your priorities straight http://tfl.nu/87z9
  Replies (68) Good night (4629) Bad night (1288)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.

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  (203): Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin? (1-203): I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight. http://tfl.nu/pi9j
  Replies (19) Good night (1636) Bad night (6356)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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  (860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66
  Replies (16) Good night (1460) Bad night (5920)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

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  (817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round http://tfl.nu/7y9k
  Replies (18) Good night (8320) Bad night (1034)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

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  (509): I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/3owz
  Replies (9) Good night (2633) Bad night (838)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.

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  (313): I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many. http://tfl.nu/e16i
  Replies (6) Good night (2330) Bad night (1352)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

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  (515): I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises. http://tfl.nu/86bb
  Replies (5) Good night (726) Bad night (1625)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised

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  (336): Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised http://tfl.nu/n641
  Replies (10) Good night (2127) Bad night (722)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.

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  (352): we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes. http://tfl.nu/aq7l
  Replies (3) Good night (845) Bad night (1387)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...

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  (503): So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address... http://tfl.nu/a3xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1813) Bad night (493)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.

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  (850): I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind. http://tfl.nu/d3v3
  Replies (5) Good night (469) Bad night (752)

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