omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.