okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.