booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
