If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
