Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
