i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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